Before I had kids I was the best parent ever. I had a list of things that I knew I would never do to my kids and a list of things that I would never let them do to me. As soon as I actually did have my own kids, everything changed. The following list was inspired by a visit from our friends today who also have kids. It is a list of what I thought before I had kids, and how I know I was wrong now that I do have them.
1.) I would never let my kids cry, scream, throw a fit in a public place. I had no idea how unreasonable this actually was. Now I consider it a success when an outing involves less than 3 melt downs. I now have sympathy for the other parents I see whose children are doing any of the above. And for the jerks who stare at me and roll their eyes when one of my kids is having an issue, well I hope you get yours some day.
2.) I would never use one of those germ-ridden changing tables in public restrooms. Those are actually a God send. All it took was a little poop up the back and I was forced to cave and use one. It was either that or I had to find the nearest car wash and hose my child down. I opted for the changing table and just burned the blanket that I laid on top of it when I got home.
3.) I would never make my child use their potty on the side of the road. Now I am just venturing into the potty training world, so I haven't actually had to do this to my daughter yet, but when the alternative is having your kid pee in their car seat, you better believe she will be peeing on the roadside. That car seat was hard enough to put in, I am not taking it out to clean it.
4.) My kids will always eat healthy. No they won't. They will eat whatever I can get them to eat. It's not like I am giving my daughter candy for dinner, but when she pushed her food around her plate without eating any, but is devouring gold fish crackers later, at least she ate something for the day.
5.) My kids will only play with things that are actually toys. Wrong again. They can play with almost anything that won't maim or kill them and would cost less that $20 to replace if broken. If my daughter is happy playing with coasters because they look like pancakes, fine. If she has been content for a half hour playing with an old remote she thinks is a phone, she can keep it. If the magnets we got from vacations we took before we had kids to places we will never be able to afford to go again now that we have them, great. They only serve as a reminder of the freedom we used to have that we will never have again.
So I guess what I am saying is that maybe I am not the best parent like I thought I would be. But so far so good. Every night that I put my kids to sleep and they are alive and well I consider it a small victory. So what if they pee on the roadside?
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